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Are you bored with the offline ways of dating in Scandinavia and almost giving up on love. Knowledge of Swedish required. Every comments are solo modest. I asked 3 times in 2 month but we been together in the third time. Anyway, I am not a latin lover kissing… 20 girls per month. All kinds of people, too — waiters, policemen, the guards at the Vatican Museums, shop keepers.
My international friends from university asked me today to explain how dating works in Sweden. Apparently they have trouble getting into the rules of the Swedish dating game. However, the way to meet someone there is more subtle. Many people see this as too forward and will get defensive if they are approached in this way. So how do people approach one another when they go out? The first step is eye contact. Depending on your moves and all-around charm, you might just share that one dance, or you might even spend the night together. Assuming that things went well at the club, sometime in the next few days one of you it might just as well be the girl as the boy will text the other and ask them out for a , which means a daytime meeting at a café for a coffee. Again, you have to be careful not to seem pushy by asking the person out for a drink or dinner. I should note that while this fika obviously is a date of sorts, you never call it that. A fika is by definition not a date. To keep the conversation non-datish, the subjects you talk about are usually very neutral ones such as the housing market, Stockholm versus Gothenburg, how great your iPhones are, or how much the public transportation system irritates you actually, the Swedish public transportation system is among the best ones in the world. If you want to ask out someone that you already know, from work for example, you usually skip the night out and go directly to the fika. I might add that texting is the preferred channel of communication with Swedish guys. Although it might still be a bit early to change your Facebook status. But from my experience, this is one of the most common scenarios. When I lived in Italy, I often got approached by different men who wanted to ask me out. All kinds of people, too — waiters, policemen, the guards at the Vatican Museums, shop keepers. A guy who makes an obvious attempt to hook up with a girl will seldom succeed, no matter how hot or otherwise attractive he is. The same goes for girls, for that matter. Again, their intentions are 100% mutual. In fact, most Swedish girls will refuse to let the guy pay for her coffee even if he insists on paying for both of them, and many will even get offended. There are big differences in how dating works in different places. Many of my readers have had problems with getting into the dating scene in Sweden, which is why I wrote this post. Hi Antonia,I am a Indian guy living in India. I seems from your article that Swedish people are highly independent and individualistic which I believe other nations should learn from you guys. If the girl has any interest in the guy she would pay for her half. I for one prefer dutch dates. I am sick of this responsibility of a provider. I think Indian girls over here should learn a few lessons from their Swedish counterparts. Everyone has got the right to exist for their own sake. Please do not pay attention to what other readers are saying. Your article is fantastic and I would request you to urge all your fellow Swedes to retain this VIRTUE. Yes you heard it right,Its a VIRTUE not a VICE! From my personal experience I must confess here that there was a time when I used to hold the same mindset which is held by most of the responders who have commented against your article. I was 18-19 years old back then. S in my mind,I blame myself for not using my mind before planting the B. S in my mind. Let me explain here, you see, storing an idea or a data in mind without making an effort to understand the concept or context of the data or idea is always dangerous. In a similar way having a desire without making an effort to understand the concept or context of the desire which is created in your mind would earn you a one way ticket to mental asylum nuthouse!!! You would find many examples in your day to life of people who exhibit such form of method of cognition. If you ask a person who wishes to be a rich person three questions viz. You would notice the similar answers,vibes,implications. You would always be able to equate these three basic questions which explain reality with the three vibes. You must notice here that all these three vibes are actually three different magnitude of the same attribute i. And they practice these three attributes consciously or unconsciously to make unreasonable demands specially demand of self sacrifice from people around them without leaving them with any choice or reward or admiration or respect. They want to live of those people who exist by their own productive efforts. And this behavior is not gender specific,both men and women do it equally. In fact its a very good gesture which shows that you love and value the person. But such gestures should be shown only when the other person makes an effort to become valuable for you,by earning your love,respect and admiration. That is why people really make a mess of their own love life and sexual life and hurt innocent disarmed people around them. I hope my input over here would help you defend your article and the moral implications behind the words you have written from potential NAIVE attackers. Have a great day. That is not sexism. That is just a way in which every guy can express his feelings. All those gestures make the relationship sweet and romantic for a girl. It is about the emotions a girl feels and making her feel special but not just the following one. You Swedish act very much like narrow-minded people. Yes to me that is very incorrect. As a matter of fact I as a swedish girl am dating an american guy. If he ever would offer to pay or do everything for me, I would be very offended as to in Sweden it insinuates he thinks less of me. In the end both genders are equal n therefore does equal parts, if a girl demanded the guy to pay for her she would be seen as stuck up and spoiled. Rather, I was trying to explain how dating works as a whole in Sweden. I know people from Finland, Germany and Canada that have had trouble getting into the dating scene, even though they, as you point out, are used to splitting the bill. As a Swedish guy myself, the article is very true and that is a common way to go about it. However, most Swedish girls would really appreciate being asked out or complimented in any given situation, especially by a foreigner. Now, naturally one would have to be a bit cautious about just how straight forward to be, some initial chitchat would likely be a good idea. Two explanations seem possible to me. Do you think any of this seems likely? However, something tells me this is not the case. I was recently in Stockholm. One day in the morning a very cute guy caught my eye in the train station. But I was too busy talking with a friend we were lost, oops and this guy appeared again from nowhere by our side, he looked at me and got out of the station. Anyway, I still remember his face and I just find it so sweet and funny. My experience in Sweden is that these people are very uptight, much different than Danish. I lived in Denmark for 2 years and all I had to do was say hello, and ask for directions, and the next thing I would know they would be asking all kinds of questions like what are you doing in Denmark, but they are genuinely interested in hearing what you have to say, and then they want to teach you Danish, because if they like you, they want you to stay in Denmark. Unlike some of the immigrants that dont want to integrate into Danish society, but still take full advantage of all of the services available. I dont get these Swedish girls at all, but now that you have given me a little information, I will see if I can put it to use. So, then we met on cam and i dont feel any changes since we already seen each other cam. Is it just he is flirting with me? Great place to talk about the art of dating in Sweden! We use to write to each other by e-mail once or twice a week. Anyway, I think you should be brave and tell her how you feel. It might turn out that she feels the same way about you, but maybe not. Dave, I came around this page, maybe to late for you.. However, in your case you may face difficulties to find someone even to talk to in Sweden. Swedes are not that openminded they say they are. I am in the same situation but I LIVE in Sweden. A fika is a DATING, nothing else! Good luck with your cats! On a more serious note, i want to say that individuality does matter. There will be cultural differences and i believe, India is one mixed up place where every 200 kms is like a new country. My online friendship with two swedish men a coincidence lol was quite an eye-opener. That will never make up for going there for real but who knows? Someday i might and i would love to! The thing is, i am very close to one of them and we have been communicating for many months. He is quite shy but these days, i think indiska is rubbing off on him! A few days back, he finally told me that he may have a bit of a crush on me but he isnt sure because he has never met me. Same goes for me. I really adore him but its reality. The little changes i have noticed in him ever since we reconciled after a fight is that he blatantly tells me that he wants to talk to me instead of chatting. Earlier it was me who kept bringing up talking on skype. He now tells me to fix the day and time when i will skype with him. He is such a sweetheart and is so considerate of my time and feelings. Both of us are unique and should just know the person without this generalized mindset of someone being boring or cheap because of their nationality! When I was meeting him for 3 years, before we decided to live together, he was really the prince on white horse for me, so adorable so adorable ….. Great article — learnt a lot from it! One thing though, how does a non-Swedish girl like me start talking to a Swedish guy? They seem really shy and are a bit funny about talking to strangers from what I have heard so how do I do it? Is it best to speak for the first time in person, online or what? For months I texted her and spoke with her and met up frequently. Please keep the mindset that cultural differences and misunderstandings are just more opportunities for laughters and fun memories. For those of you still puzzled of Swedes, please keep in mind that Swedes are a traveling people, why a lot of people pick up habits and customs from other regions, sometimes correctly understood, sometimes not this is the category what makes the most fun to read, please share your stories!! Make sure you know your teas.. Could kind of be good to know just as for a Swedish girl that moved to Italy and discovered the hard way what it meant to go out three times with an Italian guy, trying to kick the guy out of the doorway that was trying to understand what he done wrong.. Swedish girls are totally racist , only 1-2 percent are open minded. Your color of skin is a big factor in Sweden. Swedish girls hates Asian guys. They like to date with white guys wherever they are form. I have been in Sweden fur 5 years , I never met any one if them, rather I dated with Russian, Japanese and Chinese girls. On the other hand German guy had his face and wrote the same words, he got reply from 9 girls out if 12. Me zero out of 12. So, they are simply damn racist. I really wanted to have a Swedish girl asy lover, but failed completely and bus gave up completely. Sorry for bad words and and offensive behavior. Well after living in the usa for a long time I came back to europe and decided to spend the first 18 months in sweden before moving on. I had heard from an older guy that he lived here in the 90s and had a great experience. But times have changed… I have to saw it is one of the most awful social experiences of my life. My Icelandic friend really was not joking when he said the Swedes are boring. Before I came here I really thought he was just biased. It is even worse then he described. I am not saying I am some kind of Don Juan or expect women and men to just be on the look out for sex but it is like the average women in Sweden just do not even have a sexual libido or lack the ability to flirt. Then you have some that are always hunting for a foreign boyfriend but no one is actually interested in them because they have some really bizarre interpretation of reality. Sweden… A real disappointment! Avoid like the plague. I also find them boring and up thigh. Also never letting us be men because we always have to be equal the feminist way. We been married for 5 years now and we never had a bad day together. Swedish are jealous about good foreign people and they are extreme discriminators. They are under skin racist. Okay so I have to assume for obvious reasons that this applies to meeting someone in Sweden. Does this bode well for me? I find that I have a hard time reading Swedish men in general. And what kind of things should I look for culturally when we finally meet? Thanks for sharing Antonia! The swedish way of life is really unique if compared to other countries where society tend to be more conservative. When it comes to dating we may find huge differences on how women and men interact with each other. The swedish society are based on equal rights but in some cases the laws benefit women in many aspects in detriment of the men what i consider it estremely bad if you take in account that the laws must be equal to everybody. It all happens because men are afraid to take the first step into relationship and instead of being the leader of the relation. The most ardent feminist desire to be dominated to a real man but if you say it to her she will rationaly deny it because all the process occur unconsciously, and rationaly she will never assume it , any way, Feminism will continue preaching its teachings in sweden and the whole world but i ask you. Are Women more happy than before? They achieved money,power, status, but …. I found the women to be extremely forward and very direct in what they wanted. I found some of them to be almost predatory in their approach to me. Complete contrast to the UK where I as the man would make the first move. I also found the men to be chatty and friendly in social situations. Generally a very good social experience and I have recommended Sweden to many friends. I think dating in Sweden is more of a problem for foreign women because they are not used to paying or making the first move. If you are a foreign man then dating in Sweden is easy because the women take so much initiative. Having read this post and all the comments I feel like I got off the plane in a different country! This also applies to love relationships even more. I am an attractive, well educated, intelligent, passionate, sweet young woman with a good, true heart in search of love and marriage! I like being with people and have fun. I will not be playing any guy because they are very serious and honest to find a good man to be my future husband and father of my children. Yes for Marriage, No for silly dating. I am going crazy! He compliments me, he smiles when he talks to me, he flushes when i crack a joke, and he makes plans on what to do the next time we see each other. And oh, he remembers details of my life often. My friend told me to ask him out officially, while the others said i should just wait. I dont want to ruin how good things are but this has been going on for so long. Hi I can understood what hppan on you. I met same thing with my bf, he made me confused cuz he always want time to think should we become couple or not. I asked 3 times in 2 month but we been together in the third time. I think you should just ask him, I think over one month is not too long but ok to ask be officially date or relationship. Hi all, I am a brazilian man living in europe. In the last few months I was approached recently 5 times by Sweedish girls in public space street, bar, night club…. First time happened in Rio and most of the time in Switzerland, where I live. Only 2 days ago the same happened but in a bar, i got the tel number and we have been talking in the whatsup. Maybe i followed the rule of the fikka… by chance. I find them very pretty, but a bit slippery; maybe because i was not playing by the rules before. I mean, just to give a kiss does take too much of logistics, nothing wrong with this…. Anyway, I am not a latin lover kissing… 20 girls per month. But I would like to have a Sweedish girlfriend… now i think I understood the game. Anyway, I find Sweed girls funny I wish i had one as a friend. F To Tyn: I think he likes you. Asking him out officially is totally okay. Those things you said he did, mine did too. He seems to be having a lot of hang ups from his ex and even a friend who just met him for the first time thought he has issues with himself. After that confession we hang out and seemed like nothing happened. We were our usual selves. However he started to lay low in maintaining contact with me. He still replies but doesnt expand the conversation anymore. I asked him if i did something wrong or stepped over a line and said my sorrys. He said i shouldnt cos i did nothing wrong. But there is a change of course and i should agree it happens naturally. Honestly i felt pissed a bit. Hes a really nice guy but i dont think i would want to be with a man who thinks like this. What a shame, we were happy together and i could have really loved him if he allowed me to. Anyway, im moving on. We met online about three months ago. I find him confusing, jealous, a bit controlling but,overall, he is very polite, intelligent, tall and handsome, and dresses very well. At this point, he says he is in love with me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me. Sometimes, he text many times during the day every day professing his love for me. I find his attitude strange, to say the least. I thought he was mentally disturbed. I must admit he scared the!!!! I tried to end it with him several times but he continues texting saying how much he loves me. He would text until I felt like I would vanish from exhaustion. We are still dating and now marriage is in the picture. Too soon in my book. He ends his messages with kisses hugs. Your messages has helped me a lot in understanding Swedish men, at least mine. Puss puss Hello all. A Swedish guy approached me at a club one night. We had some few conversations like getting to know each other and after that, we found ourselves kissing and going to his place. You can call it probably a one night stand but when I had to leave, he was begging me to stay. I was really flattered because I do really like the guy and want to know him better. I told him I have to go because of some appointment and told him that I will be back after. And I went back to him just like I told him. One whole day of waiting but there are still no call nor text from him. I do really like him so what I did was texted him. Sorry for the late reply. Do I need to check on you daily?. I was really pissed but I kept my composure trying not to get mad at him or scare him off. Again, I am pissed but I tried to expand the conversation again. It seems pretty annoying because he was really sweet and all cute when we were together. Even hold my hands while sleeping. But after that, it seems like nothing happened. Should I try to avoid him and delete his number and not to talk to him again?
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